Have you ever found yourself really lost before? Where you get that feeling of being unsafe, insecure, having nowhere to go. You suddenly forget everything you know. That’s how my life used to be, every day. I didn’t know who I was, because I was raised into a moral mold that kept me from seeing the rest of the world for what it really was. It was forever before I realized that I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted from life or what I truly believed. But then I learned that the one thing I believed in was identity, finding yourself in you.
I think everyone’s been through that time where they have no idea who they are or where to go in life. I was born into and raised in a Church that had firm beliefs and standards. It was a mold that I grew into, becoming just like the others, forced into standard conformity. All I ended up becoming was the moral kid-slash-just super nice person in general that people liked to take advantage of. What didn’t help was that I was growing up in a bubble town, Peachtree City, at the same time. It was another place that forced me into even more conformity. Peachtree City’s ideals didn’t exactly fit alongside the Church’s well, either, which made choosing my life even harder.
I ended up choosing Peachtree City’s ways after being taken advantage of so much by the Church, and tried to abandon my beliefs. I wore Abercrombie, tried out for cheerleading, and took every opportunity to beg for my own golfcart, everything that a typical Peachtree City girl did. But no matter how much I tried, I still wasn’t happy with who I was. I still didn’t have a real place to call my own in the world. Maybe there, things were what defined who you were, but to me it wasn’t right.
It took me years before I came to that realization that I had no sense of self. Over time I learned things I never saw before, and was introduced to different perspectives, especially after I moved to Atlanta. I took the chance to reinvent myself and abandon all my doubts about my old, fake life. In the year since then, I’ve spent time discovering what I really enjoy and have found some truly amazing people that have helped me adapt to this new world, the place where I learned I wasn’t alone.
I’m still learning new things about myself and the world around me every day. Everyone needs a place to be, a safe and familiar spot within themselves where they don’t have to change or be what they aren’t. I believe in identity.
i also believe that hotel internet is not nice.
